Hot Take: Let singles be singles — opting out of the hunt for love isn’t a problem that needs to be fixed

I vividly recall, several years ago as a university student, lying in bed for hours on end while my dreary eyes glanced over picture after picture of potential dates on a dating app. 
I swiped till my thumbs went numb and then pressed on, fuelled by the occasional dopamine hit that came with a “match” — a shiny endorsement of my worthiness as a bachelor. 
Conversations with these strangers were occasionally fun. But they quickly became cumbersome, repetitive and exhausting. 
At some point, I realised I was spending more time texting people I didn’t know on dating apps than I was talking to my friends and family. I was more concerned about finding a new relationship than I was about maintaining and cherishing the ones I already had and were deeply important to me. 
Thankfully, my bachelor days are over. But even as a happily taken man, I found myself intrigued by an article by my colleague Nicole Lam on Saturday (Aug 10) exploring the rising trend of more young Singaporeans finding contentment in remaining single long-term.
Young singles told TODAY that they are no longer prioritising the pursuit of love in their lives — if it happens, it happens, they said.
After all, these singles lamented, the dating scene today can be “bleak” and “uninspiring”: It takes too much time. There are too many options. People are not always upfront about what they are looking for. 
So why not focus your energies instead on pursuing happiness by yourself, within yourself? 
But some readers seem to view this increasingly popular perspective of embracing singlehood in one’s youth sceptically. It’s a problem that needs to be solved, they seem to say — and they pointed their fingers at a number of potential culprits. 
Some people feel that the blame should fall on the shoulders of these single youths themselves. 
“Young people want perfect traits and characteristics in a partner, yet are unwilling to put in the work to improve themselves,” said one Reddit user. 
We watch and romanticise the cute love stories we see on Korean dramas too much, said others, and so we have unrealistic, overly lofty expectations.
I do think there is some merit to this argument. I often see videos of couples on TikTok in which one party “tests” the other with a trick question. A less than ideal response would prompt a barrage of comments on the video, like: “Red flag!” or “You deserve better”. 
A communications strategist wrote a commentary for TODAY about this back in May — pointing out her concerns about how toxic Internet dating content can “seep into our real lives, subtly perpetuating harmful stereotypes and eroding the foundation of healthy relationships”. 
But I don’t think it’s fair to completely generalise an entire generation as being exceedingly susceptible to online content. How many of us millennials actually expect to replicate an upside-down Spiderman kiss in real life? 
Another camp, however, feels we should cut young people some slack: Money is the problem. 
“Whose fault is this? Do you know we are the most expensive city in the world?” questioned one Facebook user. 
“With such a high cost of living in Singapore, better stay single”, wrote another. 
Again — this isn’t an entirely unfounded perspective. 
Unless both parties take pride in being frugal and are creatively economical with their dates, going out and having a good time with a romantic interest does tend to leave a dent in our bank accounts.
It’s no surprise that this trend of embracing singlehood is detrimental to Singapore’s abysmal fertility rate and  rapidly ageing population. 
But frankly, reading the thoughts and views shared by respondents in the TODAY article, theirs is a state of mind I wish I’d had when I was younger — imagine all the time and effort I would’ve saved that could have been better spent on things that did fulfil me and make me happy. 
If we turn the spotlight on the well-being and attitudes of the people themselves, perhaps we would find cause for celebration in this trend. 
To me, it is indicative of a younger generation that is more self-aware and mature. 
There is a fine line between being open to love and seeking a companion just to avoid feeling lonely, and I have to admit that I (and many of my millennial peers) may not have always known the difference between the two, especially in our younger days. 
Marriage resulting from the latter is a pretty reliable recipe for a lifetime of unhappiness and divorce — of which there were 7,118 in 2023. 
But the former appears to be where the heads of more and more young Singaporeans are at right now. Society too has been placing a premium on self-care and self-love, and we’re seeing it take shape among our contemporaries. 
So is it really a bad thing for younger generations to place more effort on self-development and self-improvement, if it means they become more self-aware and mature?
At the end of the day, it’s important to note that Singapore’s young adults aren’t saying that they are determined to be single for life. 
Their doors are open, they said — they’re just not standing in the driveway handing out flyers. 
Let’s make peace with the fact that our younger peers are at peace with themselves for now, and hope that one day they might be able to share that bliss with a special someone else.